The worst mother in the world
by Errol's Feather
Summary: In the aftermath of the episode 4x21 Turn of the screws. Catherine is feeling like a bad mother, but Grissom reminds her she is not.


_**Worst Mother in the world**_

"When was the last time you went twenty-four hours without talking to Lindsey?" Warrick's question still rand In Catherine's mind, as she was typing up the final notes closing the Tessa Hayes Press case.

Mostly out of guilt for the time she had to do just that. Not being without contact with her daughter, as she texted her if she didn't have time to talk to her. She hated the times she got stuck at the office because of the endless work load. Was she as bad as the mother in the case? She really hope not, after all Lindsey was her everything. She would never put any man before her well being and she hated when she let her work came first. Still it was in times like this that she doubted herself. Silent tears started to run down her face as she felt like the worst mother in the world. She looked at the time 6 am, two hours until the shift ended and she wished she was home instead of here.

"Catherine, have you seen…" she heard Grissom stopping mid-sentence, leaning against the door-frame to her office. Her office where her desk was filled to the brim with case files, some half solved, some fully solved like this one and some on the wait to be solved. Would the crimes ever end she wondered. She looked up at her boss and the man she considered to be both her best friend and her mentor. She took a deep breath, and dried her tears, before asking, "Grissom, do you think I am a bad mother?"

"You know I would never think that, whatever makes you think so?" he said, stepping into her office and closing the door behind him.

"This case, Tessa's mother, the fact that I haven't had a real conversation with my daughter during the last couple of weeks working this case. Or at least that is what it feels like," she said, looking at him.

"I understand why the case may have that effect on you, but no you are not a bad mother, Catherine, nor would you ever be. Sure you and Lindsey my have your disagremts before Eddie died, and will continue to have them until you lay in the grave, but you are not a bad mother. You know why?" he said calmly, looking straight at her with his blue eyes. Those eyes that always seemed to be filled with such never ending wisdom.

"Probably, but right now I would still want you to say it," she said, a hoarse laughter escaping her lips.

"Because even on your worst day, even when Linds drives you insane, you would never consider even lifting a hand towards her, you would walk away before that ever happened. Sure there will probably come trying times in the future where you like now will question if your decisions were right or not, but nothing will make you stop you from loving her more than you will ever love any man," he said and smiled a little at her. He got why she would question herself, but he would always be honest with her in times like these.

"You are right, Grissom, of course you are, now what was it you really came her for?" she asked him, smiling back, glad he in cases like these found the words to make her feel better.

"The Jenson case, I was wondering if I could look at some of your notes," he said adding, "I am not always right, but in this case, I will always be."

She went through a massive pile of papers before she found what he had asked for saying, "Here and yes you will."

He nodded saying, "Thank you, why don't you leave a little earlier today to spend some time with her before school."

"I will try to do that, and thank you for your words," she said, giving him a meaningful glance.

"You are welcome," he said, before walking towards his office. She shook her head a little, starting to overlook the notes she had made one last time, before closing down the document she was working on. She smiled seeing the background on her computer screen, her daughter beaming against her. He was right of course she would always love her daughter more than she could ever love any man, as she was her everything. A sigh left her as she closed down the computer to go home.

* * *

It would be years before another case would get her until the same mind set, by then her little butterfly was fifteen years of age and had told her she hated her before Catherine went in for her usual shift.

It was not the first time Lindsey said the words and it would not be the last, still it didn't hurt any less. Catherine opened her computer to look at an ongoing case, her mind still at the argument she had with her daughter, she had told her she had to stay home, that she was not allowed to go to a party the same night. Of course Lindsey had ran to her room, slamming the door behind her after the famous, "I hate you so much, mom!"

Even if Grissom and the Crime lab now seemed long gone, the words he spoke long ago rung in the back of her mind. She sighed knowing him to be right, it was just because she loved her daughter she had put her foot down. A deep breath as she would continue on the case, putting the worries of the argument aside for now, she would try to talk to her early morning when she got back home instead.

* * *

It was early morning that Lindsey found her mother asleep in front of the TV set, meaning she had come home before her shift ended. The young strawberry blonde looked at her mother, asleep in the same clothes she had had on the night before, she hadn't even made it to bed. Lindsey had considered sneaking out the night before, but then ended up going to bed instead, figuring her mother had been right as so many times before.

She took a deep breath, turning of the TV, before bending down to press a kiss to the top of her mother's head, whispering, "Mom, time to wake up."

Catherine opened her eyes and looked around confused, taking her a few moments to get where she was. She was on the couch instead of her bed, then she remembered she got a headache mid-shift and had gone home instead. She must had fallen asleep in front of the TV. She looked at her daughter dressed in the school uniform asking, "What time is it?"

"Around 6.30, I thought we could have breakfast together before I left, I get if you rather sleep though," said Lindsey, looking at her mother with worried eyes.

"I can sleep after you have left, I am sorry if I was harsh on you last night, I know how much you wanted to go to that party," Catherine said, slowly getting up. She sometimes felt like a bitch after saying no to her daughter.

"It is okay, I ended up seeing a movie and go to bed instead, you were right though, it was a school night after all. Listen I am sorry about what I said, I…don't hate you," said Lindsey with a deep sigh.

"Oh, so I am not the worst mother in the world?" Catherine arched her brows towards her daughter.

"No, you are the best," said Lindsey, giving her mom a hug, before going towards their kitchen. Catherine smiled before following, knowing if she had called Grissom to tell him this he would have told her so. Then again, she didn't need his confirmation or Lindsey's, still it was nice when her daughter said it, every once in a while.

* * *

Feedback always welcome and very much appreciated :o)


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